What Did She Say

That was the question that came out of the mouth of my babe today. “How do you do sex?”

I paused and responded back with, “What do you think?”

His older sister piped up and said, “It’s when the penis goes in the vagina.”

“Oh right,” he nods. Then she follows up with, “Or in the bum.”

“What?” says my son, trying to wrap his head around this one.

A little back-story as to why my daughter knows that information. She asked to go through the Science of Sexuality exhibit at our local museum, and even though she was a couple years under the recommended age, I agreed to take her through. I’d been through a couple times myself, so I knew the content and layout and would be there to answer any questions she might have. We got to the “Ask a sex educator” display and she was reading the questions. She got to one about anal sex. She reads it, cocks head to the side and says, “Annual sex?” I smiled and thought it was cute how she went to the word in her vocabulary she knew that was closest to what she was reading, but knew that wasn’t quite it. I responded to her question with, “That says anal sex. That’s when a penis goes in the anus – the bum.” Cue the quizzical and confused look, “What?” “Yup. Sometimes that is how some people like to have sex. Some people find they like and some people don’t. Penis in the vagina is still how you make a baby, though.” (Or something along those lines. That was a little while ago and I’m sure I’m paraphrasing.)

Back to today’s conversation. My son looked at me, waiting for my response. I figured, ok, it’s out there now, so here we go. “It really depends on what people mean when they say ‘sex’. A lot of the time, people mean penis in vagina when they say sex, but they can also mean other kinds of sex. Your sister is right. Some people sometimes have sex where the penis goes in the bum. That’s not how you want to do it if you’re trying to make a baby, though. The sperm needs to get to the egg somehow, and that is through the vagina into the uterus where the egg will be found.”

Then that led to, “Are those the only kinds of sex?”

Here we go… Pause for moment. I needed to weigh how much I should divulge at this point. But, I figure, if they’re asking, I will answer. So, I answered. “Well, sometimes the penis can go into a mouth.”

“Ew!” says my son. And my daughter doesn’t miss a beat and replies, “You might not think like that when you’re fifteen.”

My son, still processing this, adds, “But what if you really, really need to pee?!”

“Well, you try not to do it when you really have to pee. And your body doesn’t go pee when you’re having sex.”

“Well, I think that’s gross,” he concludes. And again my daughter says, “You might regret saying that later when you’re older.”

I just let the new information sit for a moment and allow space for them to continue talking, or to ask more.

He did pipe up and ask, “So does the vagina go on the mouth, too?”

“Yup. That can happen. Remember, the vagina is inside the body, so really, it’s the vulva that we see on the outside.”

A bit more space to see if there was any more…

Then, my son breaks the pause and says to his sister, “Let’s race cars.”

“So no more questions right now?”

“Nope.”

And as quickly as it started, it was over.